10 Ways To Repair Your Relationship After The Affair

10 Ways To Repair Your Relationship After The Affair

10- Ways-To-Repair-Your-Relationship-After-The-Affair

10 Ways To Repair Your Relationship After The Affair: Affairs usually begin with an attraction to someone you know fairly well, someone you spend time with each week  your friends or co-workers. And then later you realize the damage after the affair

There are three parts to the way affairs should end. The first part is revealing the affair to one's spouse, the second part is never seeing or communicating with the lover again, and the third part is getting through the symptoms of withdrawal after a permanent separation takes place.

SEE ALSO: Do You Want To Know The Best Way To Break Up? Check It Out

When someone you love betrays your trust, it can feel like an insurmountable hurdle. But, , it's completely possible for your relationship to survive infidelity.

Here are ways you can repair your relationship after infidelity

1. Don’t automatically assume the relationship is doomed.

Once your partner finds out that you’ve been involved with someone else (or once you fess up), it might seem like the easiest thing to do is run.

But relationship experts say leaving a damaged partnership can sometimes be a cop out — a way to avoid taking responsibility or recognizing your own faults. Instead, assume that staying together is equally possible, if you’re willing to put in the hard work required. 

In fact, sex and relationship researcher Dr. Kristen Mark told Bustle, "If a couple can get through an infidelity and restore the trust in the relationship ... they can come out the other side a stronger couple."

2. Practice gratitude. 

No matter what happened in your marriage, returning to gratitude will set the groundwork for positive transformation. 

If you feel consumed by betrayal and despair, take a moment to focus on appreciation. Think about everything you appreciate about your mate. After a few minutes of refocusing in this way, notice what changes inside you.

3. Acknowledge that you’ve created a problem.

It might seem simple, but if you don’t come to terms with the fact that you messed up, and therefore messed up the relationship, the healing process won’t go anywhere.

Instead, whenever you're apologizing for something hurtful, recognize that you made a mistake that caused your partner pain. Even if the affair was only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to problems in your relationship  problems for which you blame your partner you’ve got to take responsibility for your personal transgressions.

4. Figure out what drove you to cheat.

Maybe it happened after the office holiday party, where you suddenly noticed that the guy who shares a cubicle with you looks a lot better when he isn’t hunched over a spreadsheet.

Even so, infidelity is rarely the result of a momentary lapse in judgment or attraction to someone else. Instead, writes psychologist Dr. Peggy Drexler, it’s important to get to the real root of the issue. 

Did you feel lonely in your current relationship? Did you feel a consistent lack of sexual gratification from your partner (an especially common reason women cheat)? Whatever the problem, try to figure it out so you can understand why you made your mistakes and don’t end up repeating them.

5. Cut off communication with the other man or woman.

It goes without saying that the first step to repairing a relationship after infidelity is ending the affair, but that means more than no longer having sex with the other person.

As the Mayo Clinic points out, truly recommitting to your relationship means ceasing allinteraction with the person you cheated on your partner with. It’s not going to be easy, especially if you’ve developed feelings for that other person or were used to seeing him/her on a regular basis. 

Still, you need to be able to promise your partner that the affair is over for good and that you’re totally committed to moving forward in the current relationship.

6. Limit the times when you talk about the infidelity.

Once the unfaithfulness comes to light, it’s easy for both partners to end up talking about it constantly — why it occurred, exact details of where and when it happened, etc.

But psychologist Dr. Coleman suggests that you two should instead give yourselves about 15 minutes every day to discuss the betrayal, and then move on. (The betrayed partner can decide when he/she is ready to talk less, or stop talking, about the infidelity.) 

That’s because positive distraction — whether that’s seeing a movie or going out to dinner together — can be really important for the future of the relationship and for the happiness of both partners.

7. Give your partner time to heal.

In an ideal world, the unfaithful partner could just say, “I’m sorry” and win back the other partner’s affection. But in the real world, writes Dr. Coleman, it can take at least a year for the betrayed partner to feel that he/she is able to trust you again.

If the betrayed partner wants to talk about the infidelity (within the limits that you’ve already established — see above), give him/her the opportunity. Shutting him/her down or implying that he/she should be “over it” already will only make the situation worse.

8. Develop a deeper level of emotional intimacy in the relationship.

Infidelity is almost never about sex. Rather, it is about intimacy and unmet needs. To recover or heal a relationship following infidelity, you must learn how to become more emotionally intimate.

This emotional intimacy comes from spending time together, communicating and sharing your lives together. In other words, you must take a risk and be vulnerable. Give your partner a chance to draw close to you.

9. Tell the truth, as completely as you can.

The unfaithful spouse can share the thoughts and feelings that led to the choices that were made. Doing this helps you both understand the underlying problems you face. The injured spouse can also acknowledge his or her contribution to creating the circumstances that led to the infidelity.

10. Start fresh.

Pray together, forgive one another and allow each other time to heal in your own individual time. Let go of old thoughts, behaviors and anything that triggers a thirst for infidelity.

 Replace them with anything and anyone that encourages you to be committed, honorable and faithful in your marriage. Seek new couple relationships with those who have been married for a long period of time and can share what makes their marriage work successfully.

11. Build trust. 

You can do this by having your actions match up with your words. If you say, "I love you," back it up with loving actions. If you say, "I want our couple-ship to work," stop all contact with the affair partner, and stick with it. There is nothing worse for your partner than to find out you are not being honest.

12. Recommit yourself to the relationship. 

Healing together is difficult, if not impossible, when one person has their foot out the door. If you want to stay together, act like you mean it. 

The betrayed partner is going to feel hurt, angry and emotional. The partner who strayed should allow this emotionality and validate it as being real by saying things like, "Of course you are feeling hurt, I messed up." The emotional fallout from infidelity can take years to heal.

10- Ways-To-Repair-Your-Relationship-After-The-Affair
13. Seek professional help. 

Look for a therapist who specializes in infidelity. There is a reason why the infidelity happened. Both of you need help to understand the underlying unmet needs, and how to heal from the breach in the relationship.

 If you knew how to fix your problems, you would have already done it. Instead, allow a professional to help you build a more mutually satisfying relationship.

14. Get out of denial. 

The person who committed infidelity has to openly admit their wrong doings. Be truthful, honest and willing to cooperate with everything your mate requests from you. 

Decide to fight for your family and be willing to do whatever is necessary to save your marriage. This is crucial in trying to rebuild the trust that has been so badly broken.

15. Launch a better-than-ever relationship.

Take a relationship education course that starts by helping you identify the weak areas in your relationship and then strengthens them for future happiness together. 

The stronger your skills for talking together about sensitive issues are, the less likely you will be to drift apart or to let anger rifts lead to resentment or fights.


SOURCE: www.yourtango.com,www.bustle.com


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